Thirty? Thirty.

I got an email yesterday from a friend and all the email said was "Blood pressure feeling low?  Read this one:"  Then there was a link to a news story about a one 33-year old Desmond Hatchett.  And let me just tell you, my friend was right.  My blood pressure went from very sedentary to near coronary attack.  Consider this a warning that the same thing could happen to you!

What we have could be seen as just a regular ol' story about a guy who would like a little bit of his child support payments to be cut back.  He's having a hard time getting his minimum wage job to make ends meet for himself and his children.  But that's where any sense of normalcy stops in this story.  See, Desmond is the father of not one, not two, not even ten, but thirty children!  That's right.  Thirty.  And get this:  The oldest is fourteen.  So, let's do the illegitimate math here, shall we?  He managed to seed thirty children in 19 years.  Good thing that he managed to have four babies in one year...TWICE.  Other wise, I don't think that he would have been able to achieve such a status in such a short period of time.  But that only takes care of eight kids.  He still managed to squeeze in another twenty two children in only twelve years.  For all intents and purposes, that's two kids per year.  Did I mention that there were eleven (ELEVEN) different women involved in this sperm factory gone awry?  Yeah, there were.  Eleven.  Eleven stupid, stupid women.  

Now Desmond works a minimum wage job.  Hard to imagine that someone who would be so irresponsible as to have thirty children in fourteen years would only be qualified to work a minimum wage job, isn't it?  But I will give him credit for at least working and at least trying to do one thing right.  There's that.  It's not much and really, I'm not sure that it counts for anything.  But I guess that I appreciate his working at all.  And out of his minimum wage paycheck, the state garners the maximum fifty percent to go for child support.  As you can imagine, trying to spread fifty percent of a minimum wage paycheck isn't going to go very far.  And it doesn't.  Some of the mothers only receive $1.49 per month in child support.  And NO, I did NOT misplace the decimal point there.  That's one dollar and forty-nine cents in child support.  Aside from it being insulting, why would you bother?  There are so many things wrong with this story that I don't know where to start OR where to stop.  I do know that my blood pressure is likely to require medication before I'm done typing all of this out.  (Thanks for that, CW!)

Minimum wage in Tennessee is $7.25 per hour.  Holy crap.  Assuming the Father of the Year works a full work week of forty hours, he's looking at a whopping $290 per week.  Let's take out a third for taxes.  That's right around $96.  Now we're looking at $204 per week.  Split that in half and Desmond is taking home $102 per week.  Maybe a little more if I wasn't accurate with what gets taken out for taxes.  $102 divided by 30 (as in children) comes out to exactly $3.40 per month, per child.  That's just insane.  And pointless.  Look, even though I think that the guy should be financially responsible for all of his children, what in the hell good does $3.40 a month do anyone in this situation?  How about if all of the mothers rotate and every month, one of them gets the $102?  If they go by the $3.40 a month plan, they're only getting around $36 a year from him.  Doing it this alternate way practically triples that income for them!  But I digress.  

This is as big of a fuster cluck as there could ever be.  He's currently petitioning the state of Tennessee to help him with his child support payments.  What is supposed to be done in a situation like this?  It's lose-lose all the way around.  I think that the only rational thing to do here would be for the state to agree to step in IF Desmond gets snipped.  There HAS to be a doctor out there who would perform that surgery on Desmond for free.  Hell, I'm not a doctor and I'D gladly do it! I'd also gladly chop it right on off for him, but I'm pretty sure stuff that like isn't allowed.  (Probably only because I'm not licensed, though.) I also think that the women who he repeatedly impregnated (and who KNEW about his situation beforehand) need to agree to some counseling in order to receive any sort of benefits.  You have a weird way of looking at things if you're hooking up with this guy and not caring if you get knocked up.

And you know, while they're at it, might as well get ol' Desmond a little counseling too.  What in the hell goes through his mind in the situations that he gets himself into that will inevitably result in him impregnating someone AGAIN?  Back in 2009, he did an interview with something called VolunteerTV.  It went something like this:

"Do you intend to keep having children?" WVLT asked.
"No." Hatchett replied.
"You're done?"
"I'm done. I'll say I'm done."
"What made you say that?"
"I didn't intend to have this many. It just happened," Hatchett said.

Jesus.  Where do I start?  I guess with the obvious.  It didn't just happen!  He's not the unluckiest guy in the world, though I'm starting to believe that he may be the stupidest.  I should also point out that at the time of that interview, he only had 21 children.  Now he has 30.  You know.  Because it just happened.  Now, not only is my blood pressure through the roof, my head hurts from pounding it on my computer desk.  IT DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN, DAMMIT!  Uh-oh.  There go my lungs.  Breathe.  Breathe!  

Can we hook him up with Octomom?  They seem like they'd be a perfect fit for each other.  Both are totally clueless and surrounded by children.  He might be able to teach her a thing or two about at least trying to make a living.  And she could teach him a thing or two about doing masturbatory porn as a means of support.  Hmm.  That might not be the best idea after all.  Forget it.  Sterilize both of them and let them go at like rabbits. 

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Hello, Slut?

I've been thinking about this whole Rush Limbaugh calling some chick who wants the government to pay for birth control a "slut". I don't know why I've been thinking about it. I just have. (Don't you judge me! What was the last thing you thought about?! Ah-HA! Now get your hand out of your pocket. God sees everything.) I just want to go over a couple of things about it.

Now, this Sandra Fluke woman is a 31-year old students at Georgetown Law School. So many news outlets are referring to her as a "college student". OK, technically that's true. A law school is a college. But come on! When you hear "college student", don't you think of someone in their early twenties? Typically? Of course you do. So she's hardly some chick who was just barely a teenager a couple of years ago. She's a grown ass woman. It's not like she's an 18-year old freshman or anything like that. On top of that, she appears to be some sort of feminist activist. I'm pretty sure that with a hobby like that one is going to be fairly thick skinned. I can't imagine how you'd do something like that if you're going to let what people say about you bother you all that much.


Regardless, Limbaugh calls her a slut and a prostitute because he equates having the government pay for birth control with someone being paid to have sex. Now, don't get me wrong. The government should not be providing birth control to people. If you want birth control, I suggest you buy it yourself. Condoms are fairly inexpensive. Then again, any form of birth control is inexpensive when you compare it to the cost of raising a child. Regardless, hit up Planned Parenthood if that's what you need. Don't be asking me and every other taxpayer to subsidize it. There are like a million other things I'd rather my tax money go for.

I'm totally off track. My point here is that President Barry actually called this chick on Friday to "see if she was OK". Good Lord, what a publicity stunt that was. Not to mention what a great idea! Who was the aide who ran breathlessly into the Oval Office? "Mr. President! Mr. President! I have an idea! You know that woman that Rush called a whore?! Slut. Whatever. How about you call that girl to check on her?! It'll make the 5 o'clock news right before the weekend! Here's her number! Thank you, Mr. President! I'll get out of your hair as soon as I catch my breath! But don't let me be in your way. Call now! See if she's OK!"


What a bunch of crap. Does he really think that a grown ass woman is just going to be falling apart because some rotund blowhard called her a 'slut'? Please. Hey, wait a minute. Didn't MSNBC's Ed Schultz call Laura Ingraham a slut? Let's see, what he said exactly was "Like this right-wing slut, what's her name, Laura Ingraham? Yeah, she's a talk slut." Yep, that's what he said all right. Did President Barry call Laura Ingraham and see if she was OK? No? How does that work? Oh, don't tell me it's because Sandra Fluke was "standing up" for a liberal cause and Laura Ingraham is a conservative foe of President Barry's? Wow. So politically motivated. Not to mention pathetic. Who cares?


Is President Barry going to start calling everyone who gets called a name by someone in public? Is this how soft we've really become? Man, if he called her because someone called her a slut, I should let him take a look at some of the email that I get in regard to this blog. He'd move in with me.

And on a side note, SleepTrain has pulled all of their advertising from Limbaugh's show. SleepTrain sells mattresses. (And darn good ones, too! They're a bit pricey, but you can't beat their quality! And same day delivery if you buy it before 2pm? Show me another business where they're going to do that for you! Wow. I'm either quite the shill for SleepTrain or I just have a really comfortable mattress.) Why do I feel like there is some sort of an opportunity here? I'm not sure exactly what it is or what it would entail, but somehow with the topic of birth control and sex and sluts, I'm pretty sure there's at the very least some sort of reprehensible commercial that could be derived from all of this nonsense. Ooooh! Saturday Night Live, do your thing! I'm begging you!

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