Saturday, April 30, 2011

Hats Off To The Royal Couple

Finally. The Royal Wedding between Diana's tall kid and some hottie is over. I was going to have some choice words for this ridiculous "fairy tale" re-enactment but then...well...you know...I realized...this:

Yeah. Not much to argue with there. There were a lot of hats being worn at this shindig. And I thought that I pretty much knew what a hat was supposed to look like. Or could look like. And then I saw this:

Wow! It's like two sperm attacking the egg. Either that or she's trying to cover up her secret identity as Medusa. Why would you think a hat like that is ever a good idea? Do they not have the Internet over there? Is she not aware of what is going to happen next? And really, in what sense is that a hat. It barely even covers the top of her head. I don't think that if you have to PIN something on that it qualifies as a hat. A hat is self-sufficient. That thing is not.


But she wasn't the only one with some sort of wacky headwear. Here we have someone named Tara Park Tomkinson. She is described as an "English socialite and TV presenter", whatever that means. Here is her hat:


Um, well. That's a, uh...um...well...it's a lovely shade of blue! Yes, lovely. It also bears a striking resemblence to a female lady part. I don't...think...that's just not a good idea. Did she not notice that? I realize that not all female lady parts are that shade of blue (provided things are going well), but the similarity is striking none the less. Couldn't she taken a cue from Victoria Beckham?


Huh. Yeah, that's not much better. What's with the double helix of DNA on the right side of that thing? Oh, and I see the David Beckham has been decorated with some sort of a medal....for...soccer playing? Yeah, OK. Why can't they just wear regular stuff? Like the Queen.


Does that woman ever look happy? And really, are we sure that she's a woman? She could be a little old man for all that we know. A little old man with very bland tastes in headwear. It kind of reminds me of something. Almost like I've seen that outfit before. Oh, I know! Here:
Well, I guess it's better than some things. Like this for instance:


Or this: Or even this: But I really think that the nod to the most ridiculous headwear for that wedding must go here. Behold! OK, so maybe that isn't really a tiny crown but instead is just part of the carriage in the background. That's what she gets for riding around in carriages. But really, would we be so surprised if it WAS a tiny crown? Like it would be out of place with the rest of the weirdness that went on there yesterday. All I know is that I hope that those two kids are happy together. And from the photo below, the Princess looks like she can't wait to get down to business. Literally.

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