Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Steven Slater - My Hero

If you haven't heard the name Steven Slater by now, you will. And you will be glad that you did. This guy takes awesome to a completely different level. If you're going to give an impromptu resignation from your job, take some tips from Steven on how to go out in style.

See, Steven was a flight attendant working for JetBlue. The flight he was working had just landed at JFK when some idiot passenger does what at least one person does on every single flight that I've taken. They get up the second that plane hits the ground. Where do you people think that you're going? You're trapped inside of a metal tube. You're not going anywhere for at LEAST another five minutes and you're not getting OUT of the plane for at LEAST another eight minutes. Sit your ass down and wait until the freaking plane has at least stopped, you morons.

Seriously, you people jump for that overhead compartment as if it was on some sort of 'first come, first serve' basis, what are you thinking? It's not like there is going to be a better selection of luggage for you if you get the first. It doesn't work like that. It's not a sale. Generally speaking, you're supposed to exit the aircraft with the exact same bags that you brought onto the aircraft. What's your hurry?

According to the
NY Post, Slater had an "...argument with a passenger, who sources said told Slater "to f--- off" after being told by Slater not to remove baggage from the overhead compartment." Granted, this flight originated in Pittsburgh and landed in New York, so I'm not overly surprised that this sort of individual was on the flight, but still. Do you really need to tell anyone that you don't know to f**k off? Especially when you're the one in the wrong? I don't think you do.

After that "The passenger insisted on opening the overhead compartment, hitting Slater in the head with the door as it dropped down." See?! This is why we don't do that. You moron. That was apparently the tipping point for our hero, Steven. As passengers were herding themselves (likely as always in the most ineffective fashion ever) toward the exit, our boy Steven got on the intercom and bellowed, "I've had it! To the f----ing ass---- that told me to f--- off, it’s been a good 28 years!" And it only gets better.

He then pulled the lever that activates the plane's inflatable evacuation chute. Nice touch. He then threw his bags down the slide, but before he slid down after them, there was one more thing he needed to make sure he took with him. That's right. He grabbed a beer off of the beverage cart and then slid down the slide to freedom. How awesome is that?

The tale doesn't quite end there. Steven grabbed his bags and kept a firm grip on his beer as he ran across the tarmac and caught the AirTrain to the employee parking lot where he got in his car and drove home. Just picture this in your head. Let's say your on the flight and you've just heard an airline employee cuss someone out on the intercom. Your interest would be piqued. Imagine how great it would be when you turned around to see what was going on and saw our hero, beer in hand, go sliding down that inflatable chute and then run across the tarmac! That might be the best thing I had ever seen in my life! It's one of the best things I've ever read about, I'll tell you that much.

Sadly, Steven's tale doesn't end there. No, according to the
NY Post again, Steven had "...raced home to Belle Harbor, where he hopped into bed with his boyfriend." It is there and presumably in that position (or at least in some sort of position) that the cops arrested him and charged him with criminal mischief and reckless endangerment. Not a bad end to a pretty good day if you're asking me. You quit your job in style, get laid, get arrested and become an instant folk hero in the process. Well done, sir. Well done, indeed.

I hope that the tool who wouldn't sit down and who just had to get her bags out of the overhead compartment and told Steven to "f**k off" will face some sort of charge as well. Isn't that interfering with a flight crew or something like that? There has to be something. But even if there isn't, I think Steven is going to be OK. And I'm pretty sure that in the end he'll be a lot better off with this sort of a tale to follow him around. Who wouldn't want to be able to say that's how they quit their job? No one.

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