Thursday, August 26, 2010

Now That's A Traffic Jam

You think your commute is bad? Have you heard about the traffic jam in China? Holy canoli, it's unreal.

Get this: There has been a traffic jam for the past ten days! DAYS! Not hours! DAYS! What the what? How is that possible?! According to
The Wall Street Journal, it's pretty basic. Too many cars and not enough roads. Really? Yeah, we had no idea that was going to be the answer. Seriously, Wall Street Journal? That's all you've got?

That's all they've got. Apparently, it's a combination of roadwork and a bunch of heads up a bunch of arses. When you're selling at least 13 million vehicles per year and you only have the roadways to keep up with about a thousand vehicles per year, eventually, you're going to find yourself in this sort of a pickle.

The cars are moving somewhere around the rate of about a third of a mile per day. Umm, no. You can't tell me that people aren't just abandoning their cars and saying, "Screw this! I'm walking!" It would be tough not to. At that rate, you could be in your car and stuck in this crap a mile from your home and it would take you three days to get there?! Are you kidding me? Are we sure this is real?

It apparently is. And if you're wondering, as was I, how one makes it through a ten day (and counting) traffic jam, the kind folks over there at The Wall Street Journal have provided pictures for us to get some sort of an idea of what a hellhole that must be right now. It also allows us to be pretty freaking thankful that we're not there. Behold! A ten day traffic jam!

Oh, well. That seems to explain it. They appear to start off with no lanes at all and then expect folks to move in an orderly fashion into only three lanes. Yeah, that should work about as well as...well, as it's working. And they also seem to keep the cars and trucks separated until a specific point, at which time things don't seem to go as smoothly as one would wish. Behold!

That seems highly ineffective. That and the fact that they've been stuck in traffic for ten days! Yeah, that was my other clue. I suppose you might be wondering how these unfortunate drivers take care of various daily activities when they're stuck in their car on a Beijing road. (Don't get too excited. They explain everything except for the one that you know everyone wonders about first.) As far as eating, "Villagers along Highway 110 took advantage of the jam, selling drivers packets of instant noodles from roadside stands and, when traffic was at a standstill, moving between trucks and cars to hawk their wares." Behold!

Hmm. I suppose the sanitary conditions in which those noodles were prepared isn't exactly foremost on the minds of those folks, eh? But man, those "vendors" get into position quickly. And if this picture is any indication, they're not going to be caught empty handed. Look at this, will you? Behold!

They're certainly an entrepreneurial people, aren't they? Now, just because the drivers are willing to eat food that was prepared under questionable conditions at best, that doesn't mean that they're just going to sit around in their own filth! They're going to have to "bathe" somehow. Behold!

Oh. Well. That' Or...something. I'm just glad he kept his spandex undies on...or whatever those are. Once the bathing is finished, then the fun can really begin! And nothing says passing the time in a ten day traffic jam like eating some watermelon wedges and playing cards on top of a newspaper. Behold!

They don't seem to be too concerned with eating their melons. Why is that? Shouldn't they be more concerned about some sort of nutrition than they are about playing Go Fish? Well, regardless, they're going to get awfully tired after a few days of doing nothing in their cars. Don't expect them to sleep in there, either. Why do that when there's a perfectly good roadway to lie down on and a perfectly good truck to curl up under? Behold!

That guy can get as comfortable as he wants, as rumor has it that the traffic might not clear out until the middle of freaking September! Stay tuned!

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Scott Jacobs said...

I could have swore I've seen that movie...

Mare said...

It does look vaguely familiar, does it not?

~ Mare

Scott Jacobs said...

I knew it...