I'm Just Sayin' What The....?

I used to love CNN. They were the best. In particular, I loved Headline News. I would have rather watched Headline News than most shows of any kind run by the alphabet networks. That was the best place to turn for information that wasn't being reported by other outlets. Though, unfortunately, that's sometimes still true today, only the information isn't being reported by other outlets because it isn't exactly true. (Case in point: Anderson Cooper reporting as "confirmed" that the Michael Jackson funeral will be held at Neverland Ranch with a public viewing of him in a glass coffin.) However, they seem to have taken a different direction lately. They seem to be veering off from "news" and slowly edging into "commentary disguised and interlaced with cool and hip vernacular".

I have never hoped so much that something was not true as I hoped when I watched Jon Stewart of the brilliant "The Daily Show" do a segment about CNN's new segments called: "Just Sayin' " , "Are You Kidding Me?" and "What The..." And the last two, coincidentally, were exactly what I uttered upon learning of this nonsense. And in case you're wondering, the premise is just as horrifying as it would appear. One of their "journalists" (Translation: teleprompter reader) gives a very brief statement or lead-in to a topic in order to trick the viewer into believing that they are going to shed some light on the topic. The "journalist" then either dances around (not literally, although I'm sure that's coming, so stay tuned!) the topic with a couple of brief sentences and then either poses a question or makes a statement that tends to have a rather snarky tone to it. Then the "journalist" wraps the whole thing up and ties it neatly with a bow (again, not literally, but stay tuned) by ending with "I'm just sayin' " or one of the other two. ::: sigh :::

This sort of a notion would be fine if CNN wasn't CNN. If CNN is trying to make sure that it has a Saturday Night Live skit done about them during the upcoming season, this was a pretty good way to go about it. That's almost a given at this point. (Unless they do something more stupid, in which case, they might have two skits.) If CNN was a high school news program that was directed by Weird Al, it might work out well also. But they're CNN. Weird Al isn't doing this sort of thing, presumably because it's beneath him. Yet it doesn't seem to be beneath CNN and that is a bit disconcerting.

Here are some of the "topics" that a one extremely hot Carol Costello (daughter of Lou Costello, that is correct) has covered on "Just Sayin' ":

Minorities and women overall seem to be excelling. America boasts a black president, a woman secretary of state and the list goes on and on and on. I’m just sayin’: Time to say no to affirmative action?

The prospect of paying for a massive new health care plan is stoking anger among some states’ rights advocates. They think the government is already way too big and now they’re pushing back. Just sayin’, should states’ rights trump the fed?

This loud-and-proud bad mother writes, “I have left my children alone in the bathtub. I have spanked my daughter, I drink, I curse.” Just sayin’, does this mean over-parenting is over

Nude pictures taken of ESPN reporter Erin Andrews are more than that. Many women call it sexual assault and there are plenty of men who call it that, too, some of whom blame themselves for what happened. Just sayin’, who is to blame for what happened to Erin Andrews?

What I find almost ironic, but probably to be expected, is that they don't really seem to use "Just sayin' " correctly. The Urban Dictionary (take it for what it is) defines "Just Sayin'" as "a term coined to be used at the end of something insulting or offensive to take the heat off you when you say it." Basically, "just sayin' " is like "no offense". Compare: "Dude! You look like you've gained thirty pounds! Just sayin'!" and "Dude! You look like you've gained thirty pounds! No offense." See? The same.

But in the examples above, like the one with the "over-parenting" question at the end, what's that about? I'm just sayin' that "just sayin' " doesn't really work there very well. At all. Dumbasses.

This is what fills time on the news. This is what, for some inexplicable reason, CNN thinks viewers must be all a-clammorin' for. What gave them that idea? Wait. Was it Twitter? Was it the G-D Twitter? If it was then this could all be blamed on Ashton Kutcher somehow and I'd really like that!

It kind of feels as if CNN want out of the news business, but just doesn't know how to go about leaving. Kind of like when you've got some old guy at work and he's been there for years and it's probably time for him to retire and he wants to, but he's been working so long that he just doesn't know what he'd do without having to go to work every day, so he sticks around. Sure, his work isn't all that great anymore (you can't even tell what it is half of the time) and he's not really included in a bunch of things, but he's been there for so long that it's easy to let him stay and just overlook him for the time being and assume that he'll eventually figure out what it is that he needs to do for himself so that he can get the hell out. CNN is that old guy. But if they don't figure out how to get out of here, I'm going to put them in front of President Barry's death panels and let them take care of it. (Oh! But I kid! I kid! No death panels! No death! No panels! Kidding! Hating CNN right now, but kidding about all the death!)

The clip from The Daily Show is below. I find it highly entertaining. I find it a lot more entertaining than the assclowns over there at CNN. Hey, but speaking of clowns, what's next? A "Homey don't play dat!" segment?

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CNN's Just Sayin'
http://www.thedailyshow.com/
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We Wanted Things Changed, Not Deranged!

Oh, I don't say it often, but when I do, I mean it. God bless Jon Leibowitz. Well, you know him as Jon Stewart, the quick witted host of The Daily Show. That guy really needs to be airing in a time slot which could ensure that more people would catch his act because let me just tell you, folks would learn a heck of a lot about how things really are and how things work. It's what this country has been missing for oh-so many years! A prime time cynic! (No, Archie Bunker did not count!)

Jon Stewart's brilliance is highlighted this time in the political sector which is but one of many of the wide variety of sectors that this country has to offer in order to keep the citizens thoroughly confused at all times. Confusing? Good, it's working.

We begin with our President, Change-y McOptimism Barack Obama, speaking to soldiers and the media and anyone else who could just wander in at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina. And with all of the rhetoric of previous administrations, he announced that our war in Iraq would soon come to an end. These were his words: "Let me say this as plainly as I can, by August 31, 2010, our mission in Iraq will end."

Well, that is good news! So they're all coming home?! Ehhhh....not so fast. President Barry, please continue.

"We will retain a transitional force to carry out three distinct functions. This force will likely be made up of 35 thousand to 50 thousand US troops."

Well, that sounds kind of like they're staying there. See, this is what I hate about politicians and politics in general. They talk to the American public as if we're stupid or as if we are four years old and retarded. Look, you can say what you're saying one of two ways. You can say "One mission will end while another one begins" or you can say "We're wrapping it up, but we're not quite done yet." Either of those or a variation thereof is fine. What is not fine is saying that the mission in Iraq "will end". See, "end" means "done", "over", "finished", "kaput", "completed", "no more to do"! Those words mean "end". "Retain" does not mean "end". No, "retain" is just a fancy "not end" is what "retain" is.

But if you're asking the most fervent supporters of the Obama administration or even the less fervent, but still supportive supporters, they will tell you that what the President said, well, that was change and change, as you may distinctly recall, is what we were promised. After all, this is what President Barry had to say about our troops in Iraq:

"Our mission will change from combat to supporting the Iraqi government...training, equipping and advising Iraqi security forces, conducting targeted counter terrorism."

See? Change! Right?.....What?.....Really?.....Wrong?? It can't be wrong! It's change! Let's just compare what President Barry just said to one of Bush's speeches about our troops in Iraq and then the change will be apparent:



George W. Bush on September 14, 2007: "As this transition in our mission takes place our troops will focus on a more limited set of tasks, including counter terrorism operations and training, equipping and supporting Iraqi forces."

President Obama on March 3, 2009: "Our mission will change from combat to supporting the Iraqi government...training, equipping and advising Iraqi security forces, conducting targeted counter terrorism."



OK, that's not change. That's the SAME!! We were promised change!! He said the word "change", but he didn't "change" anything! It's the same!!

I'm catching onto this administration. What they do is re-hash the same old jargon. (I'm tired of the word "rhetoric." Good Lord, give the mainstream media a new word, especially one with a catchy spelling like "rhetoric" and damn it all if they don't beat that word into the ground within a week. Do those folks not own a thesaurus? Even a pocket version would be fine.) They just mix up the words and they seem really fond of keeping something the same and just calling it something else. But I already know that if something has "changed" it will be "different"! But that wasn't "different!" That was the SAME!!

Let's look at a statement by the Secretary of Defense Robert Gates from March 1, 2009 when he was on Meet the Press and said, "The units that will be left there will be characterized differently. They won't be called 'combat brigades'. They'll be called 'advisory and assistance brigades.' " That's like the political-speak version of tom-AY-to / tom-AH-to. Either way you slice it, it's still the same thing.

Below is the video clip of the brilliant and witty Jon Leibowitz on one The Daily Show. It's exactly the same as I described above, so don't go expecting any "change" other than pictures and people who talk so that you can hear them. Aside from that, it's the same.

Rock on, President Barry! I'm still waiting for the change that is being distinctly remembered as having been promised to us. It'd be OK if you started with your speeches. Everyone's gotta start somewhere.

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