Thursday, December 29, 2011

That's Unfortunate

Kim Jong IL, the little runt that ran North Korea died about a week ago. He had a penchant for ladies glasses and platform shoes, as well as running his country with an iron fist. Too bad he wasn't named Kim Jong Healthy. Maybe he would have been around a little longer. (I know. I know. It's a horrible joke. But it's not the last of them, so consider yourself warned.) But now he's dead and his son is taking over.

His son is named Kim Jong Un. While Kim Jong IL was referred to as "Dear Leader", the new guy will be referred to as the "Supreme Leader". Really? The Supreme Leader? So, is the guy after him going to be called the "Bell Grande Leader"? (Hey, it was between that and a Diana Ross joke! Just back off! I'm still under the weather!) And I was hoping that with a new jazzy name like Supreme Leader that there might be some other snazzy changes on the way. Sadly, I was wrong.

North Korea's Taco Supreme's National Defense Commission announced today that "On this occasion, we solemnly declare with confidence that foolish politicians around the world including the puppet forces in South Korea should not expect any changes from us." Grand. So I guess that it's 'Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss." for North Korea. Not that most of its citizens will know any different. The previous leaders had done a bang up job of isolating those poor folks from the rest of the world. No Internet. No travel. Not much of anything other than a lot of dark colored wool clothing from what I can tell. It's all very unfortunate. Though he did call politicians 'foolish', so I will give him credit for that. But that's it.

With any sort of humanitarian changes seemingly off the table for now, I guess all I will have to look forward to under this new regime are all of the accomplishments that Kim Jong Un will create for himself, much as his father did. As you may or may not care to remember, Kim Jong IL had a very impressive list of accomplishments that include, but are not limited to:
  • Being an "Internet expert". (Hard to know what that means for a guy who doesn't allow Internet in his country. Maybe that means he knows how to flip the ON/OFF switch without assistance or something. He could also be extremely astute with The Google. Many, many choices on that one.)
  • Claiming to have shot "multiple" holes-in-one (hole-in-ones?) on his first attempt at golf. Oh, and let's not forget his finishing 38-under par. Sure. That happened.
  • Says that he composed six operas. (Really? With all of his time spent dictating and oppressing, did he really have time for opera writing? And where are these operas? Oh, nowhere? OK, then.)
Yeah, this new guy, he's going to fly himself to Mars, isn't he? Or cure AIDS? Or be able to pass a football around the world? I'm expecting big things from Taco Supreme. Unfortunately, none of the things that he is going to be able to concoct in his own mind are going to do anything to help the people who are in North Korea.

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