Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
His son is named Kim Jong Un. While Kim Jong IL was referred to as "Dear Leader", the new guy will be referred to as the "Supreme Leader". Really? The Supreme Leader? So, is the guy after him going to be called the "Bell Grande Leader"? (Hey, it was between that and a Diana Ross joke! Just back off! I'm still under the weather!) And I was hoping that with a new jazzy name like Supreme Leader that there might be some other snazzy changes on the way. Sadly, I was wrong.
North Korea's Taco Supreme's National Defense Commission announced today that "On this occasion, we solemnly declare with confidence that foolish politicians around the world including the puppet forces in South Korea should not expect any changes from us." Grand. So I guess that it's 'Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss." for North Korea. Not that most of its citizens will know any different. The previous leaders had done a bang up job of isolating those poor folks from the rest of the world. No Internet. No travel. Not much of anything other than a lot of dark colored wool clothing from what I can tell. It's all very unfortunate. Though he did call politicians 'foolish', so I will give him credit for that. But that's it.
With any sort of humanitarian changes seemingly off the table for now, I guess all I will have to look forward to under this new regime are all of the accomplishments that Kim Jong Un will create for himself, much as his father did. As you may or may not care to remember, Kim Jong IL had a very impressive list of accomplishments that include, but are not limited to:
- Being an "Internet expert". (Hard to know what that means for a guy who doesn't allow Internet in his country. Maybe that means he knows how to flip the ON/OFF switch without assistance or something. He could also be extremely astute with The Google. Many, many choices on that one.)
- Claiming to have shot "multiple" holes-in-one (hole-in-ones?) on his first attempt at golf. Oh, and let's not forget his finishing 38-under par. Sure. That happened.
- Says that he composed six operas. (Really? With all of his time spent dictating and oppressing, did he really have time for opera writing? And where are these operas? Oh, nowhere? OK, then.)
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Apparently Sears is going to be closing a bunch of stores due to poor holiday sales. This according to the Glendale News-Press. Now, the article goes into minor details about the aforementioned poor holidays sales and how that would affect an undetermined number of stores and jobs. Then the article includes a picture. Behold!
I only came across this article through the help of my friend Kelly, who ever so graciously passed along this little gem to me. Thanks, Kelly!
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
I don't know if this is going to translate into the "feeling of Christmas" all that great either. So to make sure that nothing gets lost in translation, I'm keepin' it short. (But just in case it does get lost in translation, I really am shootin' for the whole "feeling of Christmas" thing here. Just so you know.)
I'm grateful for this day because it's kinda where it all started or where it all starts. Without the historical events which took place on this day, I wouldn't have a chance to be forgiven for all of the times and all of the things that I screw up. And there's a lot of 'em. Trust me. And it's not just me that has that opportunity. It's everyone. Including all of the morons that I mock incessantly. They too can (surprisingly) be forgiven for all of their evil-doings and their oh-so moronic ways.
The whole Christmas thing just makes me happy. And I try to share that happiness with others when given the opportunity. (And in forms other than this blog. Hey. Why are you laughing?) And this year I had an excellent opportunity to spread my own little version of happiness and I totally took fully advantage of said opportunity (seemingly to the delight of others, which was the point). I also try to enjoy those around me and those in my life and give them just one day where their obvious shortcomings don't annoy me. That's my way of spreadin' the joy. That alone makes others grateful as well. Give it a try is all I'm sayin'.
So Merry Christmas. Now go spread some cheer. Or some love. Or both. You've got the whole rest of the year for complaing and mocking all of the other crap. Today? Love, cheer, and thanks. Spread a little of that around, will ya? It's Christmas, for cryin' out loud!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
According to the Huffington Post, Mr. Edwards "...says he has been diagnosed with a medical condition that would make it difficult for him to attend his approaching criminal trial over campaign finances and is asking for it to be delayed". Uh-huh. A medical condition that will make it difficult for him to...sit in a courtroom? What in the hell kind of "illness" makes it so that you can't sit? Hemorrhoids? I'm pretty sure that they already have treatments for that. Then again, Mr. Edwards hemorrhoids could be caused by him having his head so far up his arse. Hard to say if there's treatment for that.
Now, his lawyers have filed a motion with the court to have his trial postponed because of said medical condition. And they seemed to be OK with letting everyone else know that they were doing this, though they weren't willing to disclose exactly what the ailment is. Shocking, I know. The article also doesn't say how long they need to postpone for. Again, shocking.
Edwards has already postponed his trial once before on the grounds that he needed "... more time to prepare his defense and attend his daughter's wedding." Attend his daughter's wedding?! They postpone the start of trials for stuff like that? Is that because of the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing? It must be. I can't think of any other reason why they'd go for something like that. Oh, well, there is one reason I can think of. He was a fairly prominent politician (whom everyone liked until he cheated on his cancer-ridden wife with some tramp who he allegedly gave campaign funds to). I'll bet that had something to do with it.
Stay tuned to find out what is ailing John Edwards and when his trial will actually start. If everything that is going on pre-trial is any indication of what the trial is going to be like, I think we could end up with a circus on our hands. Yay! I love me a good circus!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Funny you should ask. Deangelo decided to ask his brother for a favor. That favor was for Wayne to apparently remove the cocaine from Deangelo's rectal cavity by using his teeth/mouth. Bluntly put, he wanted him to eat it out of there. Now, before you go off all thinking that was a crazy thing one to do, just remember that Wayne agreed to it. Who's the crazy one now, huh? And before you go thinking for sure that it's Wayne, just let me first tell you that he DID get the cocaine out of Deangelo's butt. So, it's not like he agreed to anything that he couldn't follow through with. (I really have no idea what I'm saying here. I find this entire story so disgusting and unbelievable that I'm kind of at a loss for words and I'm really trying to wing it here without flipping out.)
But it turns out that swallowing an entire ounce of cocaine can kill you. Who knew? Well, I'm assuming that Wayne didn't know. Considering that he's now dead, I'm guessing that he has some idea about that now. That's right. It killed him. According to North Charleston Police Chief Jon Zumalt "It's sickening." Hard to disagree with that. He also added, "I got upset when I saw the whole thing. I was pretty shocked on it." Wait. When you...saw the whole thing?! Did this guy used to work at Penn State or something?! How does one see the whole thing and not maybe intervene before the whole thing is over?! How does someone see the whole thing and not make it so that it isn't a whole entire thing?! What is going on over there in North Charleston anyway?! Whatever it is, make it STOP! This is NOT the kind of thing that we can have going on all the time! Just having it go on ONCE is bad enough. Good Lord, what in the world is wrong with people?!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
You know that the war on Christmas is going to get to the point where nothing is allowed. Nothing as we know it, that is. I imagine that we'll still be able to have some things, but not the really nice things. We'll end up being regulated to things like the "Politically Correct Christmas Carols" which I have included below. Behold!
Monday, December 19, 2011
But speaking of crazy, can we just talk for a minute about the reaction of the North Koreans? These are people who live in what is essentially a hermit country. Their nation doesn't play well with the rest of the world. And these people live without much at all. There are food shortages and power outages all of the time. And they have so little freedom (as is usually the case with a police state). I guess I would have thought that they all would have been rejoicing at the death of this little guy. But it was actually quite the opposite. They were distraught. I mean up-set. They were crying and inconsolable. It's quite fascinating to watch. I guess when you don't know any different that you don't know what you're missing. I certainly hope that with the death of Kim Jong Il that the people will be able to learn what they're missing...for the better. The video of the people freaking out is below. If it doesn't work, click here.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Early this morning, the last of our troops left Iraq.
As we honor and reflect on the sacrifices that millions of men and women made for this war, I wanted to make sure you heard the news.
Bringing this war to a responsible end was a cause that sparked many Americans to get involved in the political process for the first time. Today's outcome is a reminder that we all have a stake in our country's future, and a say in the direction we choose.
And about the troops. Sure, the troops have "exited" Iraq. But everything that I read about this "exit" makes it sound as if there are NO Americans left Iraq who are working for the US government. According to CNN, "The United States will still maintain a presence in Iraq: hundreds of nonmilitary personnel, including 1,700 diplomats, law enforcement officers, and economic, agricultural and other experts, according to the State Department. In addition, 5,000 security contractors will protect Americans and another 4,500 contractors will serve in other roles." Wait a minute. 5,000 security contractors? What sort of security and for whom? I thought that we were "out of Iraq". Oh, that's right. For some reason, the White House and the State Department don't consider non-military personnel to be worthy of mentioning. Hmmm...I wonder who those security contractors operate under? Someone has to be giving them directions, right? Am I supposed to believe that it is someone other than our government? Because I'm really not going to do that. They can call it whatever they want to call it, but to keep saying over and over that the US is "out of Iraq" is really borderline lying. Really borderline.
So there you have it. At least 10,000 contractors and embassy related personnel are still in Iraq. The world's biggest embassy is in Baghdad. But President Barry and the State Department are going around touting the departure of the US from Iraq. And for some reason, the media is buying right into that hype and continuing to report it that way. That's because the media sucks. Sucks bad.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Even if I had kids, I don't know if I could pull off Elf on the Shelf. Sure, it seems easy enough, but I have the feeling that I'd suck at it. In fact, I know how I can sum up how it would probably turn out for me. I can link you to a blog called People I Want to Punch in the Throat. The chick that writes over there is funny. (NOT funnier than me, however. Don't get any ideas about defecting. I'm the funny one and you read this! Just wanted to make that clear.) Give her a read. Get the full story on the Elf on the Shelf. Let me know what you think. I'm still not getting an elf, though.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Let's start with Bobdul Johnson, Attorney at Law. (You're going to have to click and then come back. Sorry about that.) You're really missing out if you don't at least skim through his FAQs. It probably doesn't bode well for this guy that when you click on the link that says "List of cases won/settled out of court" that the link is broken. Not surprising or anything like that. Mostly just amusing.
Now we're going to take a look at what appears to be the personal website of a chap named Govind Tiwari. Mr. Tiwari seems to really enjoy Photoshopping his image into and onto just about everything. He also is a very proficient blinker. The most pressing question that I have is why his cell phone number only works on Sundays. I'm contemplating calling on Sunday and asking him.
Here we have a website by a one Michael Blount. His site was created during the dawn of the Internet. Michael obviously realized that the Internet had a huge potential when it came to meeting chicks and forming relationships with them, so his eleven year old self set up a page where his "future girlfriend" could hear what he sounded like and see what he looked like and then she could send him a message and their lives of bliss together could begin. (Yeah, that never happened. And not because his site wasn't a success, but because Mike turned out to be gay.) You'll want to have your speakers on so you can hear his soft, creepy little voice.
Yvette wanted to sell bridal dresses. I guess she must have gone insane in the process because her website, Yvette's Bridal Formal is, well, insane. Oh, and if you still have your speakers turned up from the last one, you might want to turn them down just a bit, lest you be bombarded with the ragtime piano music that constantly plays in the background of this disaster.Over here, we have Mahir. Mahir seems to want to meet a woman. I guess that's why he opened with "I KISS YOU!!!!! It's kind of forward. Maybe he might want to consider toning it down just a bit. Or removing the website altogether. Whichever.
And finally, we have this weird Peter Pan guy. And as weird as that is, somehow, the guy manages to make some money off of it. I guess he sells his "music" and various other items like mouse pads and what not. The whole thing frightens me, really. And it's weird. But really, to each their own, right? Right. But could they at least do "their own" with better web design? Please?
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
And now, of course, a couple of senators feel the need to get involved in all of this in the most idiotic way ever. According to MSNBC, U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer and state Sen. Michael Gianaris (both D-umbasses) "...want to place a passenger advocate at airports to immediately act on complaints from passengers about security screenings." What? Why?
Here's an idea: How about if the TSA DOES NOT hire idiots? How about if the TSA immediately FIRES anyone who is stupid enough to make an 85-year old woman in a wheelchair take off her pants and underpants? How about THAT? And how about if those senators stay the hell out of this? This has nothing to do with them. They're senators. That doesn't mean that they get to get involved in anything and everything that might be occurring in the country at any given time. (If you have no earthly idea as to what I could be referring to, please see all of the Congressional hearings regarding steroid use in baseball.)
I'd really like to know how these mouth breathers manage to keep their jobs after strip searching an 85-year old woman. Geez. Good work if you can get it, I suppose. And as much as I dislike the TSA and their refusal to hire people who understand what their job actually is (Here's a hint: It is not to subject elderly people who are obviously not terrorists to strip searches.), the last thing that we need to do is to have Congress get involved. And I'm pretty sure that they have things that are a little more Congress-y to do and keep them busy without their butting into this TSA business.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
The article goes on to say that "The premature infant, which weighed 3.3 pounds, was born by Caesarian section...and is in the intensive care unit recovering from pneumonia." 3.3 pounds. I bought a chicken the other day that was more than 3.3 pounds! That's a tiny baby. But, wait! There's more. It also says that "The young mother...has returned home after the procedure but visits the baby every day to breastfeed". A ten year old. Breast feeding. Why in the world was this allowed to happen?! She's TEN! There are a lot of things that ten-year olds should be doing, but breast feeding certainly is not among those things!
Now, I don't know if the family would have been interested in an abortion (even though I kind of think that they probably should have been), but it wouldn't have mattered anyway because in Mexico, the "...minimum age of consent is 12". Soooo...wait. A ten-year old gets knocked up somehow (they are currently "...investigating whether the girl could have been raped and who the father is") and there is not an abortion option?! How is that possible?! There is every time of sick bastard in the world out there and nothing can be put past any of them. So if they just happen to get a child pregnant and that child is under 12, then that child is basically forced to go through a pregnancy!? And have a freaking baby?! Our neighbors to the south, ladies and gentlemen. How 'bout a big round of applause? No? Ok, then.
This is insane. A ten-year old is in what...fourth grade? Good Lord, a fourth grader should not be having children. And if someone is raped, I don't care how old they are, they shouldn't be caught up in some sort of a legality that puts them in the position to be essentially forced to have a child that they don't want. Way to go, Mexico. And for all of you jackass lawmakers and religious nutjobs in this country that think that abortion should be greatly restricted or outlawed altogether, you people need to step into reality for a minute and ask yourself about situations like this horror that went on. She's ten! And I'm nauseous.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
If it went to things that really mattered?! Now, I realize that he has just stated what he thinks "matter". Those things being like people in poverty and education. I love it when people like him think that the way to solve a problem is to just throw more money at it. How about if, before the subject of raising taxes comes up, we find places where we can cut? How about if we find waste and stop it? Everyone just wants to spend while there are ineffective programs and departments all over the place that we could cut which would free up or save some money. Why don't any of these people who think that their offer to pay more taxes is so gracious, how come they don't ever mention the incredible waste that is going on?
And I'm just going to mention again that if someone wants to pay more taxes, they are free to do so. There is a little box on your tax form that you can check if you would like to contribute more than you legally owe. So there you have it, Jay-Z. I will wait to hear back from you after April 15, 2012 when you have paid not only the taxes that you legally owe, but (because you're clearly a man with some integrity and moral fiber) that you also contributed more than you were required. And of course I have no reason to doubt that he'll do that, right? He's obviously very serious about it, so of course he'll check that little box and send in a boatload of more money. And the best part is that he won't even have a problem with it! Yeah. Right. If he ends up voluntarily paying more than he legally owes, I will eat my computer piece by piece. And I'm clearly not worried that something like that would happen because he isn't going to do that. I have yet to see any of these celebretards who say that they're willing to pay more taxes actually do it. Pipe down, Jay-Z.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
I thought that we would have heard the last from The Donald after the tantrum that he put on regarding President Barry's birth certificate. Trump did everything but come right out and say that he didn't believe that President Barry was born in this country. He even said that he had 'investigators' over the in Hawaii and that we wouldn't believe they things that they were finding. (And really, if the 'things' that they were 'finding' were that he was actually born in this country, I highly doubt that I would have been surprised by that.) He made himself look exactly like the tool that he apparently is.
And now what is happening? Why, he's holding his own debate, that's what! How does that happen? Why does he get to hold a debate? (Can anyone do that? Because I've got some questions! Oh, boy, do I have questions.) He's a reality TV show host/star. That's how most people know who he is these days. If he didn't have Celebrity Apprentice, would we be having this conversation? I don't think that we would. And if that is the case, why him? How is he any better than Kim Kardashian? She's a reality show star. Is she going to host a debate next?! Dear Lord. I can't even go there.
So far, however, some of the Republican candidates have shown at least a shred of common sense (which is a trait that has been absent from most of the previous debates so far). Ron Paul, Jon Huntsman and Mitt Romney have all said that they won't be attending Donald Trump's debate. The only ones who have committed to going are Newt Gingrich (who might be really smart, but seems to be a soulless, unethical weasel) and Rick Santorum (who doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of locking up the nomination). I can see why Newt would go as him and Donald Trump both seem to be self-important blowhards who love themselves an awful lot. And as far as Rick Santorum goes, well, his showing up to this thing really accentuates just one more reason why we don't want him anywhere near the presidency.
This thing needs to not happen. Donald Trump needs no encouragement in this arena. We need serious debates with people that are actually invested in the process and not out for their own personal promotion. And really, I know we're doomed, but why speed up the process by letting Donald Trump do whatever he wants?
Monday, December 5, 2011
The neighbor down the street has gone full retard this Yuletide season. Thank God that he's actually around the bend, otherwise I think I'd have a hard time falling asleep.
Also from Santa Cruz, this poster asking for help in locating a missing key to a BMW. If he would only reword his poster, it would really help me give half a crap.
Am I the only one that sees a smiling woman with wild hair driving on this lamp? I noticed it the other day and now I can't unsee it.