Sunday, February 14, 2010

Enjoy Your VD

Today is Valentine's Day or, for those of us who are bitter and (technically) alone, Sunday. I don't really understand the point of this day. I mean, shouldn't you tell people that you love them all year 'round? Of course, that's provided that there are actually people that you would actually want to tell them that you love them because you actually do. That's a tall order, my friend. Very tall.


Regardless of my dislike for the holiday, if you like it, well, Godspeed. But don't screw it up, all right? If you're going to buy her (or him) something, make it something good. We love jewelry, but we usually like to pick it out ourselves. We love Victoria's Secret, but we'd prefer a gift card rather than some satin-y, scratch-y thing with garters that you'd pick out for us. (Believe it or not, there is sleepwear out there that is sexy and that does not make us feel like a five dollar hooker.) We love cash. No "but" with this one. Cash is cash. But there are some things that we do not want.

We do not particularly want flowers. Sure, flowers are nice, but you're getting so ripped off by buying flowers for Valentine's Day that it's hard to enjoy something that someone else got reamed up the wazoo for. (And if you've ever been reamed up the wazoo, you know exactly what I'm talking about.) I don't know any women who would be thrilled to be handed a box of chocolates. None. It's not that we don't enjoy candy because we do. But it's a whole box. And while we don't want to make you feel bad by not eating it, we also don't want our ass to end up being the size of Nebraska.


But let me tell you what we really don't want. We really, really, really don't want a teddy bear. We don't care if it's from Vermont. We don't care if it's dressed in some sort of 1980s aerobic gear complete with headband and leg warmers. We don't care if our name is emblazoned somewhere upon the animal. Yes, we realize that it's cute. But it's a teddy bear. And, well....with a world full of jewelry and gift cards and cash (my God, the cash!), it's difficult to be excited (or thankful) when handed a teddy bear.


The video below is courtesy of those fine folks over at Saturday Night Live. It's one of the funniest things they've ever done and it conveys the "Don't you dare buy me a teddy bear for Valentine's Day" sentiment better than anything else ever could. Enjoy your VD!

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