Wednesday, April 30, 2008
- #1 keoni kai lucas (Apparently the co-founder of the Puinsai Clothing Company. Yep, right up until his car collided with a tree in Santa Monica, CA on April 27, 2008.)
- #2 homophone (Seriously? Number TWO Hot Trend of the day? A homophone?)
- #4 hcg diet (Extreme calorie reduction along with injections of human chorionic gonadotrophic hormone, the hcg. Huh. I see.)
- #5 anwar (That's it. Just anwar. WTF?)
- #6 charles nelson riley (The gay Match Game guy? Again, WTF?)
- #8 butterfly with hiccups (No clue. Sounds too cutesy for me to even feign interest.)
- #14 def leopard (This one I can fathom. They were on 'Dancing With The Stars' tonight, which I cannot fathom. Clearly a new phenomenon to most doing the trendy searching as it is spelled Def Leppard.)
- #17 a full cup (Please don't ask of what? I don't know.)
- #42 synonym of too (At NUMBER FORTY TWO?!?! OF HOT TRENDS?!?!)
- #87 john daly shirtless (I've seen it. Trust me. It's not pretty. Avert your eyes. Never look directly at it.)
- #100 american idol april 29 (They did Neil Diamond songs. Paula thought they did more Neil Diamond songs than they actually did. Oh, like you're surprised?)
And as long as I'm on the subject of Hot Trends, here's something that you should really consider making a hot trend of your own. UtahFM.org. From the UtahFM.org website: The best programming in Utah comes from community-driven, independent and enthusiastic Utah Free Media (UtahFM). With over 30 years experience creating interesting and engaged content, UtahFM is uniquely positioned to provide high-quality, high-enjoyment content via the Internet. We are, and always have been, listener and volunteer driven, and aim to serve as the community's host radio station. Listen as the feed flows, or pick your favorite shows from our archive for an adventure of your own choosing.
Good music from good people. There's a link on the right under the 'Linkage' heading. (I'm sure that they'll be linking to me any moment now. I can feel it!)
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20-year old Amanda Moya was watching porn with her boyfriend when she recognized the actor in the film as him. So, she of course did the next natural thing. She grabbed a knife and went after him. Of course she did. That's when the guy did the next natural thing. He grabbed his cell phone and ran, dialing 911 as he avoided the knife as she repeatedly tried to stab him. Seems reasonable. The running. The stabbing? Well, kind of...but, keep reading. You'll catch on.
Now dude is running down the road wearing only boxer shorts and talking to the 911 operator as he runs. "She almost shanked me and everything. She put the knife right under my throat," he said. (Is he British? Fresh out of prison? Shanked?) And it's a good thing he called 911 because the operator's advice to him was to "keep running" and to "try to get inside a store". (Preferably one that doesn't allow crazed women with knives who are hunting down their alleged porn actor boyfriend. Stores that like ARE plentiful, they just don't advertise publicly. It's an assumed service.) The guy ended up flagging down a deputy that was nearby. He said that she did manage to "stab him in the face" and "bite him on the chest". (She bit the chest and stabbed the face? That seems like it should be the other way around, doesn't it?) Moya was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and aggravated battery. But the best part? You got it.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
- #1 neurosyphilis (Hotness factor: Volcanic. I would imagine that's when you pee.)
- #7 syphilis (Not as hot as neurosyphilis, but still enough to cause a burning sensation.)
- #8 dysgeusia (Persistent, abnormal taste sensations. No doubt a result of the syphilis.)
- #13 bro code (Way of communicating within a select group of friends that only they understand. Kinda like the dolphins, only not so chirpy.)
- #17 tuskegee experiment (The reason for the syphilis outbreak....on Google. From 1932 to 1972, the US Government conducted experiments on 399 poor, black men in the late stages of syphilis. (The "experiment" involved nothing. As in NO treatment. Just let them die and then see what that does to their body. Nice.) Data for the experiment was to be collected from the autopsies after the men died. On April 24-25, for the past 11 years, the Tuskegee Bioethics Center apologizes for the debacle. Thus, the intense desire of the general Internet browsing public to learn more about the venereal disease known as syphilis.
- #31 cordaptive - Cholesterol pill. Sounds like it's an adaptive cord. It's not.
- #50 man on fire - Self explanatory (except for the who? and how? parts).
- #80 god tv - Some sort of religious crusade to present a bunch of petitions to God on May 11th. Or something like that.
- #82 syphilis symptoms - If it burns or falls off, see a doctor.
- #99 pfo - Could be a cancer medication; could be a corporation officer, could be a stock. So many choices, so little interest in figuring it out.
- #100 national city bank - Seems to speak for itself.
What did we learn? If there's a major event or news story involving anything having to do with sex or with some of the not-so-pleasant health maladies (ie, the raging syph) that can occasionally result from said sex, or if there's a story that just has to do with anything below the belt, the trend will be to use Google to learn all that you can about it immediately and throughout an entire day. How productive.
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Gary Coleman, as we are not allowed to ever forget (because Coleman won't let us), used to play the diminiuitive Arnold Jackson on the TV show "Diff'Rent Strokes". And as anyone who cared enough to remember may recall, Coleman wed his Amazon-esque child bride, 22 year old Shannon Price, in a secret ceremony that may or may not have taken place atop a mountain. (It definitely took place in front of a backdrop of a mountain, but any sort of confirmation of a real mountain being involved has yet to emerge.) They wed on her birthday, a move that I mentioned might have seemed like a pretty good idea at the time, but it will not seem so brilliant when they get divorced. And that day is finally here! Well, almost. It will officially be here on May 1 and May 2 when Coleman and Price appear on,( what will come as a huge surprise to no one) one of Coleman's favorite shows, "Divorce Court". Oh, how I wish Judge Wapner were around for this one. (Yeah, I know he was on The People's Court. I just miss Judge Wapner, that's all)
Coleman says, "I don't have any friends (shocker!) and don't have any intention of making any. (Mission accomplished, Gare! Congrats!) People will stab you in the back, mistreat you, talk about me behind your back (or over your head), steal from you. And they're not really your friends. (They're) only there because you're a celebrity or because they want to get something from you." Um, I think he's taking a bit too much liberty with that term "because you're a celebrity." I really can't say that I think of Gary Coleman as "a celebrity". I think of him as that weird little dude who was on Diff'Rent Strokes who STILL hasn't had post-marital sex! But I only think that after I think of him as the crazed printer throwing married virgin. But "celebrity"? Yeah, that's a stretch. (Which might help, actually.)
But even with the pending trip to Splitsville, Coleman says, "It's not her fault. I always feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders every day I get up. ... There are days I don't even want to get up." And what is this pressing global weight upon you, Gary? Afraid your lawfully wedded wife might want you to have SEX?! (And a ::gasp!:: goes up from the crowd!) Worried you're going to forget your footstool every time you leave the house? Run out of things to throw? What could he possibly be over there stressing about? Which one of his shoes to hawk on next on eBay? (As you may or may not choose to recall, Shannon is "a fabulous eBayer" who one day may amount to something, as avowed by her husband, Gary. Shocker that this marriage is over, eh?)
Monday, April 28, 2008
Hans was ordered to be removed from the courtroom immediately after the verdict was read. As Hans didn't act up or do anything else to get himself removed (very unlike him. Must have still been a little stunned), I'd have to say it was an anticipatory move. As a bailiff grabbed his arm, Reiser said, "I've been the best father that I know how." (Um, Hans, if you killed your wife and that's the best you know how, you might want to get a parenting book or something. I really think that "murder" as "parenting" could be improved upon.) His next statement was, "Can I speak to my attorney?" At that moment, he couldn't. You're not going to be getting your way for a while, Hans. Better get used to it.
- #19 - red chicory (Some sort of vegetable? Probably in conjunction w/#64.)
- #51 - doug henning (The magician? From 1976? Really? Why?)
- #53 - antonin scalia (The Supreme Court Justice. Interesting.)
- #58 - shut up and let me go (OK. Done!)
- #64 - artichokes (OK, what the hell was Rachel Ray making?)
- #78 - waiting (that's it. Waiting. For what? For how long? I don't know.)
An interesting mix. Newly drafted football players, the NINTH season finale of a reality show (that I didn't even know was still on TV), some vegetables, a judge, a magician (who could be the love child of Greg Brady and Magnum, P.I.), one who waits and one who would prefer to flee in silence. Go figure.
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It was weird. I saw this photo, had my revelation, and then wrote the post about the giraffe. It wasn't really the giraffe itself that I was thinking about (I was really thinking a bit more about other matters that I wish were at hand), but more of what the photo reminded me of while I wrote about the giraffe. And I found myself getting all distracted and my mind was wandering and I just couldn't focus for some reason. You know what I mean, right? That kind of inability to pay attention for some reason? Right. So, I did what I had to do as soon as I saw that photo. I got up and turned on a light so I could see better.
What do you mean you don't see the connection? The photo made me realize that I needed a light on in here because it's a picture of a lamp. Why? What did you think it was?Sphere: Related Content
Sunday, April 27, 2008
And here's a mushroom:
Yep. They're the same!
Google Trends could be subtitled "How F-ing Weird Are We?" I don't know if it is the things that we're searching for that I find odd or if it's the combination keywords that we use for our searches that I find odd. It's something. And it's weird. It's also hil-arious.
What else on the April 25th? #14: dans bake sale. #44: commodore 64. #46 unit fraction. #67: what mexican leader was shot dead in 1923? #86: Annette Funicello. (OK, I've refrained until now. Annette Funicello?!?! WTF?) #100: mount royal. Well, I am totally confused by this data. It tells me nothing other than we are a country of ADHD Internet users who are (most likely) bored and who have clearly lost our way. Annette Funicello? Go figure.
This from the fine, but very vague, folks over there at UPI. According to them, a 20-year old womand was having a phone conversation with a 30-year old man. The man says he never touched her, a seemingly believable defense since he was on the other end of the PHONE. While he didn't touch her, he DID say that he heard her scream (when they were "totally into" their erotic phone conversation) and that she reported bleeding. OK, stop. Wait. What?
She reported bleeding? To HIM? Honey, that's probably the reason why you're having "erotic conversations" on the phone with guys instead of just going out and getting a little. Guys don't want to all of a sudden hear that you're bleeding. Actually, women don't want to hear that either. A bit of discretion, ma'am. That's all we're asking.
The lawyer who is representing the family who is alleging that their daughter was raped, a one Maha al-Metebaa (Anyone else thinking about sheep right now?), said that this case needs careful investigation (do ya think?) because it has unprecedented allegations. (I should say that it does! Not only are they "unprecedented" they're also rather "unfounded".) The lawyer said that a medical examination determined that the 20-year old woman was no longer a virgin. (Ohhhh. OK. Do you see where this is going? Or, more accurately, do you see where this (she) has been?)
al-Metebaa said, "The intercourse did take place with all its details but verbally only. The sexual act did not really happen because the physical proximity factor is not there, yet it happened because there is a direct physical impact – the loss of virginity." Ah, geez.
So, because she's no longer a "virgin" and she said that during this conversation is when it happened, then it's true? Because she's not a virgin? Of course, there is absolutely NO possibility at all that she could have, oh, I don't know, lost her virginity at an earlier time and used this ridiculous story as a way to cover that up? Lost her virginity, misplaced it, forgot she had it, something like that. Bottom line: Has had sex before. More than once. Is lying her ass off.
And someone has to ask, so it might as well be me. Was there a wombat involved?
This definitely gives new meaning to "Reach out and touch someone."
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Tony Zirkle, who is running for the Republican nomination in Indiana's 2nd District, gave a speech to the American National Socialist Workers Party who were celebrating the anniversary of Adolf Hitler's birth. He said he did so because of his statement that he would speak to any group who invites him. AND, he said he didn't believe the event he attended included people necessarily of the Nazi mindset, pointing out the name isn't Nazi, but Nationalist Socialist Workers Party. (And where he might have thought he was pointing out the name to us, he was really pointing how what a moron he is.) Then, unexplicably and possibly thinking this could somehow help him, Zirkle added, "I've spoken on an African-American radio station in Atlanta." Good Lord....As you can imagine, it didn't get any better. It's hard to say if something this boneheaded could get any worse, though.
Now, when he was asked if he was a Nazi or if he sympathized with Nazis or white supremacists or similar groups, Zirkle replied he "didn't know enough about the group to either favor it or oppose it." Oh, OK. Wait. What? These are the Nazis we're talking about, yes? How does someone not "know enough about the group to either favor it or oppose it"? Had he heard of the Nazis before that day? What kind of a lameass excuse/response is that? It's akin to, "Hitler? Um, well, which one was he? OH! THAT Hitler! Right! Sure! Andrew, was it? Oh, Adolf! That's right! Adolf! OK. OK. Now I'm with ya. What's the question again?"
The little Nazi get together that Zirkle spoke at was not just celebrating his birthday and to honor him, but they were also gathered to "fight America's economic collapse and reinvigorate the white working class." I see. Anything else? Oh, right, There was a cake, being as how it was Adolf's birthday and all. Yep, Zirkle had some cake. Some cake with a photo of Hitler and the words "Seig Heil" on it. Huh. Yeah, that seems about right for this story. Wow.